Home is where the heart is...

I've started a lot of blog entries the past few weeks, but have stopped & been able to clear my mind... tonight doesn't seem like that's going to be the case.

I wanted to bring Madison up to see family before softball season went into full gear & thought I'd be able to handle memories here in Virginia... and to stick with the theme, that doesn't seem like it's going to be the case.

Despite my feelings right now, I'm glad I'm here for Madison & for Vanessa's family. They need this & I need it more than I realized. Every first after her passing is tough. I thought I could handle sleeping in her room... but I just can't.

I am missing her tonight & wanted to hear from her... so thankful for a message from her from 6 years ago that just popped up on my phone...

Another Timehop "gem" seems to summarize what I'm feeling right now from 2 years ago...

I'm coming to the conclusion that this is always going to hurt and to repeat what I said before, I am struggling to find the good in this right now... I am always going to miss her, I will always feel sadness when I do and no time amount can really dull the pain. However, memories of her can make me smile and seeing Vanessa in Madison will definitely do the same... Madison was all Vanessa this afternoon when she covered up in her mom's favorite blanket & snoozed during the ride...

I'm missing you tonight and love you more than ever! Wish I could tell it to you one more time.