Crazy Love...

I awoke to more comments than usual from my overnight ramblings.  I am beyond humbled and amazed by the compliments and suggestions of writing a book. But to be completely honest, I've only read a few books my entire life... and a majority of them were by Dr. Seuss.

This blog is only a means for memories... my true intentions are for it to serve as a 'memory bank' for Madison... not a book.  Again, I'm too lazy to read, too ugly to speak in front of groups and too stupid else wise.  However, I think a made for TV special could be in the works starring Kirsten Dunst (redhead Mary Jane from the Spider Man movie) as Vanessa, and Channing Tatum as myself... only because John Candy is no longer alive :)

The John Candy resemblance is scary... the diet is now going to a new gear!

I am very happy to say that today was not filled with the usual roller coaster of emotions.  I'm still missing her like crazy and find myself starring at her picture on my phone, but I was able to get a lot of work done at home and for my job today.

My laugh for the day came at the expense of Mr. Dale visiting Madison at school today (the scary-serious man in yesterday's post, and the real life owner of the circle of trust).  He came in while I was at the office and headed down to have lunch with Madison at school today.  Being the serious and always prepared individual he is, he made it clear to me, several times, to make sure the school knew he was coming to have lunch... I think he was just making sure there were no hiccups after Madison made him promise he was coming.

Being the smartass that I am, I thought it would be funny to play a little joke.  I asked the front office to ask him for a letter from me in order to go eat lunch with Madison.  The joke was suppose to make him say, "that damn Pete, I told him to make sure everything was right."  Instead, without hesitation, he informed the front office he would be having lunch and was fine if they needed id or to call the police... not the intention I was hoping for.  Luckily the school staff didn't play the joke long enough to make a commotion... cause he was going to eat with that little girl one way or another.

It made me think of the love we have for family... or as the title of this entry, Crazy Love.  It's a good thing.  Loving a child, or a spouse, or anyone to the point that all things are possible and there isn't a hurdle too big for you to overcome.  I felt this way with Vanessa during her entire fight, and I can honestly say, she fought her fight a little for me, but a lot for Madison!

Vanessa was only given a few months to live when she was first diagnosed Stage IV back in April of 2013.  Cancer had spread from her original breast cancer diagnosis to her bones and liver.  The cancer in her liver was so bad it had become septic.  She was on the verge of death if we didn't start chemotherapy soon, and start it as aggressive as possible.  The image below shows her liver back in 2013.  The image on the right shows the amount of cancer in her liver (the glowing part is cancer), the image on the left was 3 months later... still unbelievable to this day!

I remember Vanessa's first chemotherapy treatment like it was yesterday.  She had to be accessed by her veins because she did not have her PORT surgery yet.  She got her first injections of Taxol and Perjeta and went into convulsions... her body couldn't handle it and I thought I was going to lose her right then and there.  After some medication, the shaking stopped.  Overtime she began to 'handle' the doses... the many, many doses she endured.  I have included a picture of a flyer I made for her a few years back.  I tried to go through and update the numbers by using my calendar... I keep everything on it.  The numbers are really close to being 100% accurate and just amaze me in what she endured...

I still can't understand to this day how she did it?  How can someone fight this long, fight this hard and beat so many odds along the way.  It hit me today... it was her baby, and it was for Meg and Annie too. She wanted to see them grow.  She wanted to see them graduate high school and college.  To get married. To have kids.  Vanessa wasn't given many days after her diagnosis... I believed she fought for every day afterward.  She prayed for all 3 girls daily and NEVER wavered in her commitment.

In closing, I do want to thank everyone for their comments.  I ask that you keep them up.  But, instead of commenting to me, I ask that you leave comments for Madison here on Blogger.  You can say whatever crazy things you want to me on Facebook or Instagram, but on Blogger, please leave your memories of Vanessa.  Vanessa touched so many people in her life (I have another story on this tomorrow via my daughter Meg... you'll have to wait until then.)   Please leave your thoughts for her to read one day.  It can be how her mom inspired you.  It can be a story when you were kids.  It can be something about Madison... just leave her some memories to cherish about her mom.  All you need to do is scroll below to the comment box, type your message and hit the publish. I think it would be a great keepsake for Madison in the years ahead.

Thanks for reading and thanks for commenting to Madison if you can...