Learning to use my insomnia o_0

May is anniversary month.... and there are a million reminders everywhere

I'm not sure if it's just reminders from this time of year when Vanessa was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, my recent trip to Virginia and all the memories of her, our upcoming 'would've been' 10th year anniversary or whatever the case may be?  But, I am having difficulty shutting my brain off and getting sleep.  So tonight I decided to use the new found time for some productivity and did a mass media campaign for some upcoming meetings and processed a bunch of license and paperwork... now let's see if I can get some sleep?

One thing I have decided to do is restart a little blogging from time to time to empty out some thoughts.  It really seemed to help before, so I'm hoping it can do the same again.  I figured it was needed after an episode earlier this week when a mobile pizza truck brought me to tears... yes, a pizza truck.  Vanessa would always joke about the pizza truck that would pop up at Broad Creek every Monday.  It was one of the ways she could remember days after her brain tumor diagnosis.  For some reason it was just too much to deal with for me.

There's been a million reminders this week blowing up my Facebook 'On this date' due to her diagnosis and the out pour of prayer and community support.  I've also started trying to work through all the piles of paper that were dropped after her passing... hence the late night work and license processing.

Today's big reminder was finding a letter she had saved in the Kia glove compartment I had sent to her almost 9 years ago... it brought back a lot of great memories and reminded me how strong our love was.

I'm learning to focus on positives and good memories to keep me heading in the right direction, and there are surely a million after looking through memories of all the support our family received after her stage 4 diagnosis and following her passing.  I can't thank our friends and family enough... we've had so much help and I cannot tell you with words how thankful I really am.  Plus, it's hard to even write coherent sentences at 2:00am :)

Below is a post from 4 years ago... it talks about all the support we received and the struggles she faced defying the odds of the 3 months she was given at the time of her stage 4 diagnosis.  I'm so thankful for every 'extra day' we were together and all of the support you gave to help make it happen... thank you! thank you! thank you!